Santa’s Slay (2005): A Macabre Review.

Santa's Slay Poster

And we’re back.  it’s time for another holiday fear-fest with the 2005 movie Santa’s Slay.  Well, maybe fear-fest isn’t the right way to put it.  After all, the movie isn’t scary whatsoever, it’s really more of a comedy-horror.  But is it good enough to be a part of one’s holiday viewing?  Let’s find out.

So the story is as follows:  Santa, who is in actuality the son of Satan himself,  loses a bet with an angel.  The price of losing is to spend the next 1000 years being good to humanity and basically doing what he’s known for today.  1000 years later (as of 2005 anyway), the bet is fulfilled, and Santa is free to continue the mayhem he loves.

While Santa is taking his liberties with some of the residents of Hell (yes, the town in this movie is named Hell), we get to spend time with the main antagonists of the movie: Nicholas, Mary, and Nicholas’ grandpa.  Grandpa is very familiar with the story behind the previously mentioned bet, and tries to get Nicholas to believe the story.  This proves to be an easy task, as later Santa targets them for his next kills.  Nicholas has a theory that since Santa is only around once a year, he may disappear after Christmas day is over.  Is he right?

Santa's Slay

“Yes Virginia, there is a Santa Claus.” That wasn’t a joke, that was his first line of dialogue.

Santa’s Slay is, as you might expect, not to be taken seriously.  But if you’re looking for something cheesy and lame, this is right up your alley.  Bill Goldberg is a walking one-liner as Santa, but less irritating than the Santa in my previously reviewed movie, Infinite Santa 8000.  He seems like he had fun doing it.  The Nicholas character was to me the least enjoyable.  He was whiny and liked to bitch a lot about things.  Unfortunately, he was in the majority of the movie.  Also, right in the opening scene in the movie takes place during a family dinner with a few big names that I wouldn’t expect to see in a movie like this.  I’ll let you see who for yourselves.

Quite a few people get killed in this movie, and while some are fun to watch, others are kind of bland.  Interestingly enough, there’s not a lot in the way of blood and gore.  Which is odd given that it’s an R rated movie.  The majority of the soundtrack is Christmas songs in a rock style.  Which fits for the most part, but here and there a song doesn’t seem to fit well with the scene it’s in.

Santa's Slay

Who’d have guessed we evolved from a stop-motion existence?

There’s really not much more to say  about this Santa’s Slay.  One reason being that it’s pretty short, running at approximately 78 minutes.  Another reason being that, when it comes down to it,  it’s just a mindless waste of time.  The thing of it is, because it’s such a  short movie, it’s a lot easier to get through than if they tried to squeeze 20 more minutes into it.  If they did I can imagine it would just get incredibly boring and I’d regret watching it.

But as I’ve previously pointed out, this is a pure “shut your brain off” watch, and if you’re the type to be entertained by a former WCW/WWE wrestler dressing up as Santa and beating the shitballs out of a lot of people, then this is a must-add to your Christmas movie list.  So until next time, rest in peace, and have a merry Christmas!!!

Macabre Rating: 2.5 out of 5 tombstones

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